New video, roller coasters, and making wishes...

Have you ever made a wish on something before? ...Either on a star, or a birthday cake, or when you tossed a penny in a fountain? I grew up making wishes on things like that. I usually made a wish about a boy I had a crush on or something ridiculous like that. Actually, I remember several times making a wish that I would like roller coasters. I'm not kidding you, I was embarrassed by my dislike for roller coasters because I felt like I was always missing out on all the fun. I hated them though to be honest, and still kind of do.

There's really nothing quite like being the kid who has to wait at the exit for all their friends to get off the crazy roller coaster they just had so much fun on. You feel like the biggest party pooper ever. Yeah, that was me. Although, I did make an effort to fit in. Since everyone was having such a good time, I'd go on the roller coasters and convince myself that I could endure just 2 minutes of pure suffering and torture. That is honestly how I feel about them, even now. The pain in my stomach when I drop is so miserable, I have never been able to really get over it...so I've kind of learned to just suffer through it I guess. 

I've also never really enjoyed metaphorical roller coasters either. I'd much rather enjoy the thrill of a fast car then going up and down and back up again on a roller coaster. Despite my attempts to avoid roller coasters, or to wish that I'd someday magically enjoy the thrill of them, I am still faced with roller coasters, both literal and metaphorical, and they just don't seem to be going away. They are a part of life I've discovered. And to be honest, these past few months have been by far the craziest roller coaster I've ever been on. 

Some of you may have read my post last year on Mother's Day where I talked a little about my journey toward wanting to start a family. Joseph (my cute husband) and I have been wanting to have kids for what seems like the longest. Ok, so maybe I'm being dramatic, but it has almost been 4 years now that we've really been trying to prepare for having children, and wanting them so much that it hurts our hearts a little (or sometimes a lot). 

Last year I wrote this song called, "Wishing Well," which was inspired by my wise acupuncturist who pensively made the observation that often times, it is our wants that cause us so much pain. This past year has had it's particular ups and downs, has had plenty of joy as well as pain, and the want and wish to have children has been growing and growing within me, leaving an undeniable hole in my heart. I can't really think how else to describe it. 

Ups and downs this past year have included quite a lot...doctors appointments, blood work, waiting by my phone for the nurse to call back, dates with the hubby to the infertility specialist, grabbing jamba juice after our appointments to either console or celebrate, running late to work, running late to work again, having hot flashes in the most awkward places, sleeping with the window wide open during the coldest winter nights, seeing single lines on my pregnancy test, seeing that over and over again, seeing double lines on my pregnancy test, feeling like I was pregnant, feeling an incredible amount of excitement, feeling like I wasn't pregnant anymore, going to the ultrasound, finding no heartbeat, feeling love in overwhelming amounts, feeling loss in overwhelming amounts, learning the importance of hope, learning how to let go, learning how to continue striving for the best that is within me...no matter what the circumstances are, and finally, learning to trust that God is truly in the details of my life. 

I've been toying with the idea of writing about these experiences on my blog or not. I hesitate mostly because I don't want people to feel bad for me, or to feel pity- I promise I'm not seeking after that. I appreciate people's love and support, but I'm not trying to get attention or sympathy by expressing my experiences. I just want to explain a little more about what I'm learning. I feel like it's a huge part of the purpose behind the challenges and obstacles we face. Also because I want to know if you've experienced it, or how you coped, or what you learned along the way. I love that human connection. That's a huge part of why I love to share music. It's all about sharing those connections...learning, growing, and loving along the way.

While there have been a lot of "downs" recently, I can't deny that at the same time, there have been a whole lot of "ups." Hense...the roller coaster. One of those "ups" has been my process of writing and creating music. I haven't been performing as much recently due to all of this, but I've been writing. I'm so grateful for that. I recently wrote a song that I am in the process of recording right now. I can not wait to share it with you (hopefully in about a month). For now, I will leave you with this video that my friend Matt Sucich and I did of my song "Wishing Well." Lauren Merkley, my very talented sister-in-law, shot and edited the video. 

I hope you enjoy. I'll have more songs to come soon and I am excited to share them with you. Thank you for listening, for sharing and for being a part of this whole experience. 

All my love and warmest wishes,

Bianca

Rising Star and feeling inspired

I am truly sorry that I haven't updated my blog in such a long time! It feels a little like how I feel when I go to write in my journal and realize that months have gone by and I didn't even realize it. I know this might sound strange, but I have a theory that time in New York City moves faster than in other parts of the country. I really do think it's true. I've lived in a few other states and countries, but never has time flown by like it does here. I think it's because everyone is hustling and pretty much all the time- so before you know it, a week has gone by, and then a month, and then a year! Well that's my excuse anyway...and I'm sticking to it.

Anyway, happy Spring everyone! Things are starting to pick up again for me in the world of music. Last month, I had the privilege of going out to Utah to play at a Rising Star event. Rising Star is this amazing non-profit organization that helps leprosy colonies in India. They've using my "Grateful" song in one of their videos on YouTube and so they invited me out to play "Grateful" as well as a few others songs at one of their fundraising events. 

I knew about Rising Star, and the work they did, but I had no idea how moved I would be by the experience of playing and singing at this event. I was truly inspired. The thought even crossed my mind as I heard people tell of their stories about going to India, even bringing their entire family over there to live for a few years..."Maybe we should move to India, there's so much good that can be done there too." They even had a live video chat with the children in India and we got to see them and hear them, and they sung us a song, and it was really incredible. I mean, how can you not want to go to India after actually seeing the children and hearing them sing a song...seriously?

 

I also had Brinn Chipman play her fiddle with me on some songs which was really lovely. She plays in a band called Matteo. It's such beautiful music- you've never heard anything like it, I promise. Give them a listen.

Anyhow, thanks to all who bought my CD at the Rising Star event. All the proceeds went toward the Rising Star fundraiser. It was amazing, I sold almost more CD's at this event then at my CD release show. So thank you to those who supported.

As for future shows, I have one booked in Nashville and some I'm setting up for Utah and Idaho in the Summer...so I'll update those on my website in the next few weeks. I'll also be posting a new song and a video real soon as well. I can hardly wait to share them with you- but they are still in the works, so once they finish, I'll post them for you to enjoy.

Until then, I hope everyone has a great April! Spring is finally here...or almost.

Xo,

Bianca

Opps...you get two in one this week!

I also forgot to put last weeks video on my blog...I thought I did, but I guess I only put in on Facebook- and forgot to actually put in on my blog. Sorry!

This is from my most recent show at Rockwood Music Hall with two ladies that I love dearly not only because they are amazing singer-songwriters, but also just because I genuinely think they are great people. It is so much fun to sing with them. Their names, just in case you were wondering, are Jamie Bendell and Amy Vachal. Check them out- seriously, you'll be glad you did.

This is us singing a song by The Civil Wars, and it's called "Poison and Wine."

A Little Moonlight: Key to Good Health and Happy Relationships?

I used to go to an acupuncturist in Richmond, Virginia who told me as part of my "prescribed medications" that I needed to take a few herbs, get good rest, and...go on walks with my husband at night to look at the moon. I'm not kidding you. That was what he prescribed. I loved it. Taking walks at night with my hubby is one of my favorite things to do. "Oh, what a little moonlight can do!"

Last Friday, Randy Bergida and I played this little number together that I wanted to share with you. It's a jazz tune that has been one of my favorites for years. I don't know what it is about this song- but I just love it. The wonderful Billie Holiday is known for singing it...maybe that is partially why I love it so much. So here you have it, our version of "What a Little Moonlight Can Do." I hope you enjoy!

And here's kind of a funny thought...do you think that a little more moonlight in your life could actually be a secret ingredient to greater health and happy relationships? Just a thought. What do you think?

My first video post of the week: I heart Bobby Marley

A few years ago, I had a friend ask me a great question that got me thinking. He said, "If you could go back in time and see any musician play live, who would you want to go see?" I was a little surprised by my automatic response because the first person who came out of my mouth was "Bob Marley." I don't personally play and sing reggae very often...but I love me some Bob Marley. I love the upbeat vibe, and just how it makes me feel. Maybe it's partially because I remember listening to Bob Marley on our family vacations to the beach. But for whatever reason, out of all the great musicians that I would love to hear play, what sounded the most appealing to me was to hear Bob Marley in Jamaica in a small venue (I envisioned a little palm tree hut or something) listening to him play his songs on his acoustic guitar. I still kind of dream about what that would be like.

So I decided for one of my first "cover" posts, I was going to start with one of my favs, Bob Marley. It seems fitting for this Summer weather I guess.

What about you? If you could go back in time and see any musician play live, who would you want to see and hear?

Wanna hear A NEW SONG?!

So I'm behind on all sorts of stuff as of late. Sorry about that. I have been dying to write about my Utah tour experiences, and still have planned to do that actually- but in the last two weeks, something else has always come up! Needless to say, I just wanted to share this first because I can't help myself. (I will post about Utah next, I promise).

 I always get excited to share new material, and this hear song is one I am particularly excited about. When writing it, I felt like it ought to be a duet, and it made it's debut last Saturday at Rockwood Music Hall with Matt Sucich singing and playing along with me. (By the way, if you haven't heard his music yet...you need to get on that. Go check him out- he'll be releasing some new material soon that is AMAZING.)

Speaking of amazing, last Saturday night at Rockwood was a lot of fun thanks to the fabulous musicians that played with me (namely Naomi Steckman on cello, Jason Bertone on Bass and Yaeir Heber on washboard) and especially to those who came out to listen! Thank you for being so attentive and wonderful during my show last week- it was a lovely evening and I enjoyed so much to share it with you.

More to come soon...but in the meantime, enjoy this new song, "Wishing Well."

P.S. As for background on this song...I wrote if from a place of deep desire. Have you ever wanted something so bad it hurt? Not like a cheesburger, I mean something that speaks to your heart and the deepest parts of yourself. Maybe you yearn for a spouse, a baby to hold in your arms, or a dear friend/companion...you may yearn for a job you love, or your career to take off, or something that is of great worth to you...whatever it might be, you feel such a strong desire for it that you wonder how long it will take, or if it's even possible! I have been yearning for a few specific things in my life in the last 2 years or so, and this is where this song came from. 

Xoxo,

Bianca