Hope versus doubt, and a free download...

It's a beautifully overcast rainy August day today in New York City, and I have been able to create a most lovely day out of it. There is a pot of chicken and vegetable soup on the stove that I have been brewing all morning long, and while tinkering around in the kitchen, I've been playing with the idea of finally posting on my blog again.

Now I get to sit here and open my heart up to you about a few things. You see, I have just a few more short days of Summer left before I go back to work next week. I am both excited and a little apprehensive about the school year that lies ahead. When I look back at the year I just undertook, I shudder at the thought that this coming year could be equally or even more difficult than the previous year was. I think about the "roller coaster" in which I just rode on, and while I learned a lot and gained so much, I have to admit that I don't really want to hop on again even though I know I must. However, I am truly grateful that I even have the opportunity to ride on the roller coaster at all. That seems ironic, doesn't it?

I must say though, I feel hopeful for this "new year." I know it's not technically a new year, but I always think of "back to school" as a new beginning of sorts. Yet, there are still so many unknowns to what lies ahead, and with that come all the doubts tumbling through my mind as well.

These feelings are all related to a song I have recently released as a free download. The song is entitled "Hope" and you can hear it and download it here:



Last year, around this time, this song was born one day after work when I was walking to my car with a co-worker who was telling me about her daughter. She was explaining to me how much work it was to have her. I thought about her comment and said in response, "But would you have it any other way?" She thought for a moment and then said, "No, I guess I wouldn't." We then parted ways, and it got me thinking...I had recently had a big load on my plate, and many of those responsibilities had been taken off for one reason or another. I felt liberated at first...but then I started to feel sort of empty. It was also around this time that I was beginning infertility treatments. This was when the song unfolded as I began to learn about these opposing forces...hope versus doubt, joy versus pain, love versus loss...and it became extremely clear to me how important hope was in motivating me to move forward. It truly felt like the light that was guiding me through a dark tunnel of the unknown. I also noticed that maintaining hope was difficult. I would go from being hopeful, to doubtful, and then to hopeful again...all in even just one hour! It was exhausting and yet rewarding. Strange how that works.

So, with that background on this little song of mine, I invite you to listen and hope you enjoy. I will say in closing that this recording would not have been possible had it not been for Matt Sucich who recorded, played on it and produced it, as well as Amy Vachal and Jamie Bendell who also sang the harmonies with me. They are dear friends and truly, truly talented musicians. 

Lastly, thank you dear reader, for reading, listening and for being a part of this musical journey of mine.

With all my heart,

Bianca

Singer-Songwriter Confessions...

Dear reader,

I have been sorting a lot out in my mind these past few months. Singer-songwriters tend to do that. Maybe we think too much. Actually...we do think too much. Lately I've been thinking about how to adjust to the changing priorities that continue to shift in my life. I toyed with the idea of taking a complete "break" from music. But that didn't really feel right either. Although, I realized that music for me is going to have to be  3rd or maybe even 4th on my list of "to do's" for at least a few months.

I may be able to explain in more detail in the coming months, but for now...I am content with just making it known that I am still here. I am still creating, singing, playing, writing, and enjoying it...just with a little less intensity for a short while until I get a few things sorted out.

And with that in mind...I must admit, posting a video weekly just isn't realistic for me. I had to come to terms with that. I am sorry to let anyone down with my lack of video posts. I decided that once a month is really more like it. Meanwhile, I'll continue to play a few shows, and finish writing some new songs I have in the works, post a new video occasionally, and record these new songs (which I can't wait to share with you!).

Also, since I've been seriously slacking in my video posts, I will share one with you today. It's from my favorite singer-songwriter of all time, Patty Griffin. And this song felt appropriate to me as it is the first song I ever heard of Patty's, and it's also perfect for this rainy Fall weather. I LOVE this song. I hope you enjoy it too.

Xo,

Bianca