Hope versus doubt, and a free download...

It's a beautifully overcast rainy August day today in New York City, and I have been able to create a most lovely day out of it. There is a pot of chicken and vegetable soup on the stove that I have been brewing all morning long, and while tinkering around in the kitchen, I've been playing with the idea of finally posting on my blog again.

Now I get to sit here and open my heart up to you about a few things. You see, I have just a few more short days of Summer left before I go back to work next week. I am both excited and a little apprehensive about the school year that lies ahead. When I look back at the year I just undertook, I shudder at the thought that this coming year could be equally or even more difficult than the previous year was. I think about the "roller coaster" in which I just rode on, and while I learned a lot and gained so much, I have to admit that I don't really want to hop on again even though I know I must. However, I am truly grateful that I even have the opportunity to ride on the roller coaster at all. That seems ironic, doesn't it?

I must say though, I feel hopeful for this "new year." I know it's not technically a new year, but I always think of "back to school" as a new beginning of sorts. Yet, there are still so many unknowns to what lies ahead, and with that come all the doubts tumbling through my mind as well.

These feelings are all related to a song I have recently released as a free download. The song is entitled "Hope" and you can hear it and download it here:



Last year, around this time, this song was born one day after work when I was walking to my car with a co-worker who was telling me about her daughter. She was explaining to me how much work it was to have her. I thought about her comment and said in response, "But would you have it any other way?" She thought for a moment and then said, "No, I guess I wouldn't." We then parted ways, and it got me thinking...I had recently had a big load on my plate, and many of those responsibilities had been taken off for one reason or another. I felt liberated at first...but then I started to feel sort of empty. It was also around this time that I was beginning infertility treatments. This was when the song unfolded as I began to learn about these opposing forces...hope versus doubt, joy versus pain, love versus loss...and it became extremely clear to me how important hope was in motivating me to move forward. It truly felt like the light that was guiding me through a dark tunnel of the unknown. I also noticed that maintaining hope was difficult. I would go from being hopeful, to doubtful, and then to hopeful again...all in even just one hour! It was exhausting and yet rewarding. Strange how that works.

So, with that background on this little song of mine, I invite you to listen and hope you enjoy. I will say in closing that this recording would not have been possible had it not been for Matt Sucich who recorded, played on it and produced it, as well as Amy Vachal and Jamie Bendell who also sang the harmonies with me. They are dear friends and truly, truly talented musicians. 

Lastly, thank you dear reader, for reading, listening and for being a part of this musical journey of mine.

With all my heart,

Bianca

A Christmas song and fundraiser...yipee!!

Exciting news here today, and for a few reasons!

What We're Doing: 

• I've just recordered "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas!"  This has been one of my favorite Holiday songs ever since I was little. It's been covered by some of the finest musicians of all time and done in a wide variety of styles and genres. I tried to make this version my own.  I hope you enjoy! 
• All the proceeds to this song are going to families affected by hurricane Sandy in need of "Sub-for-Santa" help this Holiday season. I am in touch with the community liaison in Staten Island who has a list of families for me. The more money we raise, the more families we can help! I'll be posting pleanty of photos and follow up stories on this blog so, so be sure to follow (here)!

 Why We're Doing It: 

• We're raising funds to help families who lost nearly everything during and shortly after hurricane Sandy. When my husband and I first drove into these devastated neighborhoods and communities with the humanitarian group, "Mormon Helping Hands," I was so moved, I felt I could almost cry. While the storm happened weeks ago and hardly affected me personally at all, it was hard to believe that not too far distant there were people who had lost nearly everything and who were still struggling to get their lives back together. The scenery felt so unfamiliar, almost as though we were in another country entirely. I had the opportunity to go back on Friday (just a few days ago) with the same humanitarian group, and I was honestly surprised to find that the roads were still covered in dirt and filled with piles of garbage, thrown out sofas, broken up dry wall, etc. The stench inside the home we went into was almost more than I could bare. Most of the homes were flooded with several feet of water, and as a result, there was now mold growing everywhere, nestled into every nook and cranny. The woman we helped on Friday said that she was sleeping temporarily on a plastic garbage bag on top of her soaking wet sofa. Not only does this sound miserable to sleep on a wet sofa, but her power didn't get turned back on until just a few days ago. Many still don't have hot water either! The thought of taking a cold shower in the winter is chilling. Although I was able to return home to my warm and well lit apartment, the images of these homes were haunting, and I decided I wanted to try to do something more to help. This is where you come in...

 How You Can Help:

• It's pretty simple. Just download "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas" by going here:
• Once you're on the bandcamp webpage, click on "Buy Now"
• Follow the steps from there to purchase the song for $1 or make a donation and...there you have it!

 Also...

• For the first 200 people who purchase the song you can get a FREE download code to give to someone else as a gift!! Once you have purchased the song-  either leave a comment with your email address or email me directly at biancamerkleymusic@gmail.com and I personally will email you a free download code that you can then give someone as a gift! SO HURRY! You don't want to miss that! (By the way, I'll write another post with greater detail on how to do this by Wednesday)

Print a Download card!

We also also have come up with an amazing idea you can give to your neighbor or someone in need of warming up this holiday season with hot chocolate. You can see the tutorial on howdoesshe.com (here) And get this...we're giving away a free printable (go here to download)
 

A Special Thank You:

I owe a huge THANK YOU to Randy Bergida for arranging, producing and engineering this project! He donated his time so that all the proceeds of this fundraiser could go toward the "Sub-for-Santa" fund.

Also, thank you to Jamie Bendell and Amy Vachal for singing back up vocals with me- you all are amazing! I'm so grateful to know and work with such talented people.

Thank you to How Does She and Weeds to Wishes for their support and sharing this on their sites.

Please spread the word- tweet, facebook, email, pin it- do all you can to help raise the funds for families in need this Holiday Season!
Let's see how many families we can touch!

 May your hearts be light. 
Xo,
 Bianca

Opps...you get two in one this week!

I also forgot to put last weeks video on my blog...I thought I did, but I guess I only put in on Facebook- and forgot to actually put in on my blog. Sorry!

This is from my most recent show at Rockwood Music Hall with two ladies that I love dearly not only because they are amazing singer-songwriters, but also just because I genuinely think they are great people. It is so much fun to sing with them. Their names, just in case you were wondering, are Jamie Bendell and Amy Vachal. Check them out- seriously, you'll be glad you did.

This is us singing a song by The Civil Wars, and it's called "Poison and Wine."

Birds fly over the rainbow, then why can't I?

The Valentine's Day show was a week ago today exactly. It was such a whirlwind of a day, I can't even begin to tell you. Ok, that's a lie...I'll certainly try to tell you. For some moments of the day, it seemed as if nothing more could go wrong! Yes, go wrong. I felt my faith challenged to the core. "Everything is working together for our good," I would tell Naomi as we'd laugh (to keep from crying) about the silly things that seemed to be getting in the way of having a successful night. Here's a quick timeline of the 24 hour craziness.

• Monday, 8pm: Naomi is supposed to be arriving to my house at this time but instead calls me to tell me her car has broken down, she's in Maryland, and took the car to the dealer who just informed her it'll be $2000 to fix. (So Naomi ends up trading in her car that night, and gets a great deal on a newer car, and makes it to NYC at 3am)
• Tuesday, 10am: Because we got a late start, we ended up not getting as much rehearsal time, but Tuesday morning (with groggy eyes and all) we get up, get ready, and rehearse. Meanwhile, some people who we were relying on to help us out with merch items, and so forth...end up bailing last minute, so the merch items were still to be finished, but we HAD to rehearse first and foremost, so that's what we did.
• Tuesday, 2:30pm: Then before we left, I attempted to print some things out before the show, but of course I ran out of printing paper so had to scramble to find scraps...and it was a disaster in my apartment all the while, and we were now running late...
• Tuesday, 3:00pm: We get everything ready and head in to the City to meet up with the band to do one last rehearsal. I get a text message from our drummer, "I'm not going to make the rehearsal and probably not making the show, in the ER, I'll explain later." What? First of all, are you safe, and second of all, I have no drummer. (Side note: medical emergency he and his wife had to attend to was a totally legit excuse though...for real, so no hard feelings). My stomach felt like I had a pit in it...but I continued to tell myself..."Everything is going to work out fabulously..."
• Tuesday 5:26pm: During rehearsal, I got a parking ticket (Gotta love NYC parking police)
• Tuesday 6:45pm: Then Naomi and I get stuck in Valentine's Day traffic (Yes, stuck. Meaning, the light would go from green to yellow to red and you haven't moved more than 5 feet)
• Tuesday, 7:25pm: We decide we're better off just parking and walking the half a mile to the venue because traffic was so bad. So we carry all our crap while walking as fast as possible, and my arms feel like they're going to fall off.
• Tuesday, 7:45pm: We get to the venue and head back stage. Guess who I meet there?? I meet Tony Lucca and Sarah Bareilles before my show back stage (Yes, that's right, I met them and had a quick chat before I went on stage...this is no lie. Tony had a show before and after our Valentine's Day show...I was amazed and frankly a little intimidated.)
• Tuesday 8:05pm: Then while on stage, my acoustic guitar chord wasn't plugged in all the way, so it cuts out during my first song. (But we fixed it...don't worry) Still sucked though.
• ...And then I played my set. I was really trying hard to shake off all the anxiety that had built up from the past 24 hours, and I was trying hard to stay present and really enjoy the moment of the songs. (Sounds kind of cliche, but I really feel that that is when I perform best...when I'm totally present.) So as the show progressed, I felt myself slipping back into that ease and into what I like to call, the "sweet spot" of the performance. Actually, the rest of the night was pretty great. Great music, great friends, and delicious cookies and treats. After all, what more could go wrong at this point, right?

Whenever I experience stress like that, I often find myself asking "Self: why do you do all this again? What's the purpose behind it all?" ...And I find that it's a really good thing for me to ask myself, so that I can focus and get even more clear on what it is I am doing and going after. I have to go back to the source, for me...that means going back to God...and asking Him, "What exactly is it that you want me to do, and why and how?" I don't always get an answer to the "How" question, because for me...that's where faith comes into play...but I do get an answer that comes in various ways as to the "What and Why" questions. Why do I do this?? Because it's in my heart, to share music with the world, to use it as a way to move, inspire and uplift. I can't let fear get in the way of that.

Today, I wrote in my journal about all of this (because I get the day off from work, and am sick at home with strep throat), and I realized that the urge to quit playing, writing and performing can at times be very tempting. Even still...I learn from the set backs, I continue moving forward in directions that pull at me so hard sometimes, in ways I can't deny. The thought of giving up, it's even worse that the thought of failing. And the things I learn from the supposed "failures" are priceless. 

So I get back up, and try to fly over the rainbow, because why not? If birds can do it, then why can't I? Somewhere over the rainbow, there's a land where the dreams that we dare to dream really do come true. 

Here's a clip from the night..."Somewhere Over the Rainbow," one of my favs...hope you enjoy!


Xo,


Bianca